Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Savor and Celebrate!

Vibrant life goals for the next 2 weeks:
1.  Yoga twice a week
2.  Celebrate my successes...create a habit of celebrating each accomplishment
3.  Chew slowly, savor each bite, slow down...enjoy!  This really IS the only moment there is.
Savor...flowers from the Farmer's Market
Aren't they pretty?
My HUGE revelation during this process of creating a more healthy, vibrant life: 

               For a smart person, I am really, really good at getting in my own way and...surprise!  NOT. SEEING. IT. 

What is up with that?  I mean, I read about this happening to other people and think, "Well they just don't WANT to see it."  and "They probably aren't all that bright."  Yeah, if I'm gonna write a blog...I'm gonna tell the truth about myself, even if it means publishing to any of my few readers, just how awful I can be.  I'm not proud of that.  But, while I see the value in discretion, I think there's a fine line between revealing too much and keeping it real.  I'm sure all bloggers wrestle with this, but since it's happening to me...it's a SIGNIFICANT.  (I laugh at myself.)

Anyway, about the "willful blind spots", I find myself questioning my intelligence.  It's humbling.  But also, I am fascinated to discover what ELSE have I been willfully deluding myself about?  It opens up a whole new realm of discovery!  I find myself in the kitchen, questioning whether or not there isn't some other "truth" about my household management that is keeping my kitchen a disgusting, disorganized mess.  I actually think there IS!  Ta da!  This could be very, very FUN!  I think it's going to be a bit like taking acid.  I've never indulged (too scared and not where I want to put my energy).  But really...this is...really...just...NEW!  and different.  And quite interesting.

Bonus flowers from the Farmer's Market
(I liked this one and she only had 1 so she said if I bought a bunch I could have this one for free.)
Wasn't that nice?
I have to ask myself, "What was I gaining from holding onto my delusion?"  There has to be something.  Or many things.  There was a strong motivation there to deceive myself.  What was it? 

The area I am focusing on today is my kitchen.  I hate it.  It's gross.  And frustrating to cook in.  Why have I INSISTED on trying to implement (and failing miserably) my silly "big project management" style of task planning when it CLEARLY has never worked?  Um.  Maybe because I really don't want to deal with the kitchen?  And maybe it's just easier to leave it to "some day" or "next week" or whatever? 

Here's what happened this week:  I had really psyched myself up to do one little project per day in the kitchen.  I had them all outlined and planned.  Clean the cupboard over the fridge.  Which would clear up space to allow me to organize the kitchen counter.  Then, clean out the cupboard underneath the counter.  And then clean out the drawer in the stove.  And so forth... So, I stood in my kitchen on the BIG DAY that I was to start on all this.  And...huh!  Turns out, I didn't WANT TO.  That's why I'm failing.  I don't want to.  I hate cleaning and organizing disgusting messes.  So, I can just continue to plan and live in the future, OR I can choose something else.  But first, I have to stop deceiving myself.  That's the first step.  The truth is, I make elaborate plans so I don't have to do it now but I somehow feel better because I have it all "handled".  It's going to get done.  Someday.  And while someday never comes, I have to live in and cook in a disgusting, dirty, disorganized kitchen.  I am very certain that this truth I have found about my kitchen, and my elaborate planning scheme, probably applies to EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE!  Yowsa!

Time to honor task #2.  Celebrate!  Yay Kerri!  You figured something out!  Way to go!  Cha cha cha... (my dance moves, in text format).

And I am finding out how to live in the moment.  Loving being part of a happy, caring family.  Here is my happy husband and our sweet boy on Labor Day morning:
Joaquin tries out his new scooter/skateboard
while hubby drinks coffee in his new "Raiders of the Lost Ark" hat
I am using a tip I learned from one of my favorite blogs, to put pictures within my text to keep it more lively.  I am working to find blogs on healthy, vibrant living and found this one:  "Radiance is your natural state."

1 comment:

  1. Sounds familiar to me........making plans and lists and don´t wanting to do it.
    Things are getting better around here because my children grow up, I can sleep an nighttimes and there might be a little space in between just for me.
    greetings from Germany