Creative Misbehavior

Joining Kmama and Emmy with a Proud Mommy Moment.  My 3-year old son is so fiery and fun!

Today he is very upset that I won't let him have a 2nd Popsicle. Hoping to distract him from his big tantrum (which I just ignore, but hate listening too), I sit down and start reading one of his books.  He continues to scream and cry but comes closer and it almost works!  He starts to get interested in the book but then quickly remembers that he is ANGRY about the LACK of a Popsicle.  He looks around for some way to communicate just how upset he is.  He sees the 2 baskets of books next to the reading chair, picks them up and dramatically dumps out all the books, screaming "I DON'T LIKE BOOKS!"  I ignore him and continue reading; he continues to scream and cry.  After a few minutes, he begins to lose steam so I calmly inform him that he needs to put his books away.  He starts throwing them really hard into the baskets, as if he wants to hurt each book.  I tell him he must be more gentle with his books; he wails "I AM TOO TIRED TO PUT BOOKS AWAY!"  I say OK but he will need to take a nap instead, since he is so tired.  More screaming ensues, complete with stamping feet and dramatically throwing himself down on the floor and crying because he hit his head on the hamper basket.  "YOU HURT ME!", he yells.

I see this isn't working so I change tactics and tell him I am going to my room and I will come out once he has put all the books away.  More screaming and crying, followed by sudden quiet.  I can almost hear the brain cells clicking away.  I hear a scraping, sliding noise.  He is pushing his books, one by one, under my door.  Although this is quite a bit more work for him than simply putting them in the baskets, as a battle-of-wills tactic, it is quite brilliant! I must confess I am highly impressed with his creative thinking abilities.  With the books in my room, he can't put them away, now can he?  AND I will be forced to engage with him in order to forge ahead in this battle (or "teaching moment", if you prefer a kinder, gentler phrase).  His craftiness is not yet complete.  He very sweetly tells me he has a present for me.  "Do you like your book present, Mama?"  This is his way of trying to make up without having to give in.  I remind him that he is supposed to put the books in the baskets.  I slide the books back under the door into the hallway.  More quiet.  He runs down the hall to play with his trains but can only hold out a minute or two.  At last, I hear him putting his books away.  I come out of my room with a big smile and ask him if he put all his books away.  He happily says "Yes, come and see."  I do see!  I tell him he did a good job and then I clap for him.  He claps too and smiles with pride.  We hug and then go play with trains.

Yarn Along - Hoodie, Washcloth and Sunset

Joining Ginny's Yarn Along again this week and Work in Progress Wednesday.

This is the hood of the hoodie I am knitting for Joaquin.  He is growing so fast, I need to knit FASTER!  I decided to knit a different contrast pattern and it reminds me of the zigzag on Charlie Brown's shirt, but my husband quickly rose to my defense, claiming it absolutely DOES NOT and is very nice.  What do you think?

Because nearly all books are packed up for the big move this Saturday, this week I am reading the Sunset magazine that arrived in the mail today.  I laughed when I read the cover "Best Places to Live" since we are moving this week.  Too late to move to one of the "best places".  (smile)

I also started on another horse washcloth, this time in a lovely smokey lavender color.  I received so many nice comments about the one I finished last week, it inspired me to knit another one!  Thank you for all the encouraging feedback.  As a "new" knitter, it really made me feel happy.

We are moving into a nice rental home on a farm in Clarksburg, CA.  The farm is planted in grapes and this will be our view from our backyard.  We are very excited about the move and daunted by the amount of work ahead to accomplish it!  Wish me luck!

Rainy Days

It has finally rained!  So welcome (even though it's bad for our store business, as people don't stroll around so much and shop in SF when it rains).

 Definitely time for warm soup in the soup mug that was a gift from my husband because, as he says, he likes my tomatoes!  He's so funny!

Sandman and Yogurt - This Moment and FO

Today, I'm joining SouleMama and Tami's Finished Object

SouleMama's {this moment} - A Friday ritual.  A single photo - not words - capturing a moment from the week.  A simple, special, extraorddinary moment.  A moment I want to pause, savor, and remember.

My FO (finished object) is a Sandman I made as a Christmas gift for a baby newphew:

This book inspired me to consider sewing by hand more frequently and I really enjoy it.  It's relaxing and convenient and so much more soothing that using a machine.  The Sandman project is from this beloved book and I'm sorry for the blurry photo but we forgot to take a picture until the present was opened and then only had a cell phone to work with.  The Sandman is a nice gift for a baby or toddler as it is shaped to fit into the crook of their neck at bedtime.  It offers many textures for little fingers to stroke for comfort;  the body is velour, the moon is satin, and the stars are cotton crochet with little bumps and ridges.  It is stuffed with wool so it warms when snuggled.  I used to make these to sell at Waldorf school craft fairs and they were a best seller.  One frantic mother contacted me a few years after I gave one as a baby shower gift.  Her son had worn it down to threads to where she could no longer patch it and she asked me to make another.  I was very touched and pleased to know that my gift was so well loved.  I am thinking of offering a photo tutorial on how to make one (but not provide the pattern as that should really come from the book), if anyone is interested please let me know.  I have so appreciated the tutorials that others have provided and would like to "pay it forward".  

Yarn Along - Spa Crochet and Knit

Joining Ginny's Yarn Along today, still working on my "spa" gift for my horse trainer.  I finished the 2nd knitted horse wash cloth and crocheted a matching soap saver.  Linking to Mommy Club Wednesday  and Work in Progress Wednesday and Ambassador Crochet too!  So fun!!!!

These were both new patterns for me and I am very happy with the results.  The wash cloths were a good way for me to improve my knit and purl skills.  Although I have been knitting for about a year on a fairly regular basis, I seem to be a bit of a slow learner.  But I am really enjoying the process.  I had a friend's mother offer advice to me as a teenager where she explained that up until recently, she had spent her entire life trying to do MORE.  That she believed if she would just get more organized and work harder, she could somehow get it ALL DONE.  And that what she wished for us, was that we wouldn't make that mistake.  That we would, instead, savor the moments and understand that we can't really ever get it all done.  And that the point isn't to get it all done, the point is to slow down and enjoy each moment.  Sadly, I did not heed her advice and now find myself at the age of 51 knowing that I have more years behind me than ahead of me and wishing, so much, that I had done as she advised.  In the last year, I have learned to do as she advised--and it is making a HUGE difference in everything.  I enjoy my marriage more, my children more, everything I do is so much more enjoyable.  I feel closer to God and more connected to the love that is all around us and in us.  And I have stopped worrying about getting it all done.  Jesus says not to worry.  If I am worrying, I am not in the present moment and the present is really all there is.  And it is surely more than enough for me.

I started crocheting another soap saver and adjusted the pattern to accommodate a larger bar of soap:

And I also started a blue one to match the scrubbie that I made last week:

I think I will make another one for my husband.  We are in the midst of packing up for our move on 1/28 and I find the rhythm of crocheting and knitting helps me to relax.  Perhaps it's not the best use of my time, but I'm doing it anyway.

Pippa!

Introducing our family dog, Pippa!  She is a big fat love.  She would rather snuggle with us than eat, even when she's hungry. 

Her ears are always lop-sided like this.

Joaquin loves to pretend he is a dog, too.  He licks my face and giggles when I make a face and say it's "Yucky!".  The more dramatic my reaction--the better!

See how delighted he is with the mischief he has made?

Yarn Along

Joining Ginny's Yarn Along today with a gift project that is both knit and crochet:

I finished the denin blue Nubbie Scrubbie, which is a quick and easy crochet project.  The knitted wash-cloth with the walking horse is not quite as nicely done as I am still not that good at knitting, even though I've done a lot of projects.  I'm getting better but the improvements are slowly obtained and hard won.  The funny thing is that I enjoy knitting more than crocheting, something about the rhythm of the needles and using both hands more is very relaxing.

I am casting on a companion wash cloth in this pattern.  My plan is to give the 3 as a gift in a little spa box that I crocheted:

I also want to try making a couple of these felted soap cozies (photo from Ravelry):

 I already have the yarn and have always wanted to try felting.  Wish me luck!

I started reading this book and am really happy I chose it:

I was impressed that it had 196 reviews on Amazon!  I am getting a lot out of this so far and am reading, again, the book of John.  Each time I read it, I see something that I didn't before.  I guess that's because the words don't change, but we do. 

This book starts out with a comparison of the images and text that we see in our Christmas cards versus the mood and experiences of the participants in the birth of Jesus.  Since Christmas is just over, it's all fresh in my mind and I felt some pain this year about how far away from a real Christmas experience we had in our home.  I was so inspired by what Ginny's family did and am resolved to create a more relevant experience for my family next year.  The changes have to first come from within me and I think this book is a good start. 

The author asks himself "If Jesus came to reveal God to us, then what do I learn about God from that first Christmas?" and then: "The word associations that come to mind as I ponder that question take me by surprise.  Humble, approachable, underdog, courageous--these hardly seem appropriate words to apply to deity."  I think his discussion that follows is really enlightening, especially when I think of the entire event of Jesus' life.

I am just starting Chapter 3 and would love for some others to join me in reading it and sharing thoughts. Please leave me a comment if you are interested, thanks.

Trains and new plans for 2012

We often go out for breakfast.  A habit we are giving up in preparation for our new lifestyle of frugal, but rich living.  Joaquin loves trains so to keep him amused while we wait for our breakfast, we draw train tracks and a round house on the back of his placemat:



All engines safely asleep in the round house...

We're embarking on a new adventure as a family and will no longer be indulging in many breakfasts in restaurants.  We've decided to move back to my hometown of Clarksburg and get licensed once again in Yolo County as foster parents, hoping to adopt again.  So our plan is for me to stop working when my contract ends in early April.  Plant a huge garden, get a couple of chickens and try to make the store pay for all of our living expenses.   It's through the experiences shared on blogs such as Tonya's, that I feel hopeful and encouraged enough to try this.  Seems like I have wanted financial security my whole life and have never had the discipline to achieve it.  So this is scary but I believe the chance to align daily living with values will be the impetus to make this successful.  Perhaps we will fail, but I can't stop myself from wanting to try. 

Oblivious?

My husband and son came with me to the barn where I keep my horse for an appointment with the vet.  I had to make a decision whether or not to have a procedure done on my horse and so wasn't paying any attention whatsoever to my son.  My husband brought the camera and was snapping away:

So there I am talking to the vet and Joaquin is making his own discoveries, of which I am oblivous.

It goes on:

Seeing these photos just made me think about all those moments where I am oblivious to his experiences.  Hmmm.

Happy New Year!

Ian visited for Christmas and we had a hilarious time trying to take family photos.  Mark shot several with me and Ian and Joaquin, then he set the timer on the camera for a shot with all of us.  But somehow, that wasn't quite what Joaquin wanted.  We all couldn't help but laugh at his dramatic behavior.

As I am falling asleep most nights, I thank God for my family.  I tell him that I feel so lucky and so happy.  I am so blessed to have a loving husband, and happy, healthy 3-year old Joaquin at home.  My 24-year old son, Ian, lives in southern CA and is happy, and finding work on a regular basis doing sound work in the film industry.  My siblings and parents are all doing well and still with me and still love me after all these years.  We have a sweet family dog, Pippa, who adores us. We are all very lucky, and very blessed.

My "medicine"

When I started this blog, I wanted to post very regularly, at least 4 times a week.  I was doing OK last August until a big event in my life changed my daily and weekly rhythm and I just let the blogging slip away. 

The big event was that we bought a horse for me.  His is my "medicine" and his name is "Doc" (I kid you not!)   I didn't name him, that was just a happy coincidence.  Speaking of "Doc" and "Happy", did you know that 6 out of 7 dwarfs are NOT happy?  (My husband told me that joke.)

I don't have any good photos of Doc yet as he is a big challenge to photograph on my own (he always comes up to me when turned out in the arena so I can't get him to be far enough away to shoot properly on my own) and when my husband comes to watch me ride, we have a boisterous 3 year-old with us who, thus far, has rendered the photographic effort to be, well, let's just say "non-productive". 

Here is a photo of us on the day the vet visited:

He is a very pretty bay thoroughbred, age 15, which is "middle-aged" for a horse and he is very sensible.  I love riding.  As a systems analyst, I am a professional "thinker" and it's hard to quiet my mind.  When I ride, there can be nothing else going on and my mind gets a rest.  If my mind wanders, Doc knows it.  Riding is a partnership between me and my horse.  We have to be in tune with one another.  He's very powerful, so I need to be sure we're communicating well and my focus HAS to be on him.  Not on anything else.  So it's a little vacation for my mind and I find it incredibly addictive for that feature alone.

My loving husband always encourages me to go ride and I am so thankful for his generosity.  He takes care of Joaquin while I ride and I'm usually gone for 3 hours each time--at least 4 days a week.  He got tired of me thanking him all the time and finally "explained" it to me.  It went something like this:

Me:  I know I've told you before, but I just want to be sure you know how much I appreciate your support with my riding.  It means so much to me, thank you.

Him:  (huge sigh...) Look.  I am a selfish man.  When I "let" you go riding, I always get back a happy wife.  I LIKE having a happy wife.  When you ride, you lose weight and get more fit.  I want my wife to be healthy.  I want my wife to be around for a long, long time.  For ME.  I like the way you look when you are riding and fit.  That pleases ME.  So this is really all about ME and what I want.  You don't have to thank me.

Me:  Oh.

Riding is also very physically demanding (I am learning dressage) and it's outdoors in the fresh air.  Not only that, but it is surprisingly social.  You develop a relationship with your trainer and other riders at the barn.  And you have a relationship with your horse.  Horses are amazing.  So willing to cooperate and so giving and sensitive.  I just love riding.  Today I had a really lovely "practice" ride (that's where I ride by myself and try to practice everything I've been learning in lessons) and it went really well.  I come home floating on another plain...so happy...and so "rested"...and so worn out from the physical demands.  Very good medicine!

Knit, Crochet, Reading...and kindness...

Joining Ginny today.  I knitted a simple wash cloth (just a square that was all garter stitch) and then crocheted this scrubbie type wash cloth for my husband.

My husband really likes them both.  He is always so encouraging and appreciative of my creative efforts.  He says it's because he's an art school graduate, but I know it's really because he is kind.  I appreciate his kindness and his fun sense of humor so much.  Here's a sample of his humor:

Setting:  A busy breakfast restaurant where a TV is mounted directly over my head.  He keeps glancing up while we are talking, so I give him "the look".

Hubby:  I'm just watching that game, you know, the one with the funny shaped ball.  (This is a reference to the fact that he knows nothing about sports and likes it that way.)

Me:  Soccer?

Hubby:  No, football.  Soccer doesn't have funny shaped balls.

Me:  Yes they do!  They have all those weird hexagons all over them so they look round, but close up they really aren't.

Hubby:  Oh, yeah.  I forgot about that...(deadpan) I love talking sports with you.

I am reading Nick Hornsby's "Juliet, Naked".  I rarely read novels, and I am really enjoying it.  I love how honest his characters' inner dialogues are.  And there is always a very subtle thread of kindness that runs through his books, which I love.  This is one of my favorite songs because I love the lyrics (particularly the line "in the end, only kindness matters") and it makes me think of Ginny and her blog.  We've never met, or even spoken--I only "know" her through her blog, which I love reading.

I want to be more kind.  I have been reading the book of John again to try to connect more with Jesus.  People were amazed by him and loved being with him.  I know that kindness would have been such a strong presence. I am counting on him to be kind with me.

Joaquin drives a "Digger Truck"

Like a lot of little boys, Joaquin is obsessed with vehicles.  Fire trucks, dump trucks, street sweepers, tanker trucks, monster trucks, tow trucks, garbage trucks, digger trucks...he knows them all by name.  Well, thanks to his Uncle Mark's generousity, Joaquin got to actually drive one!  He was one happy, excited boy!

That's his cousin behind him to his right, they are 1 year apart and will hopefully grow up close.  I remember how much fun I had with my cousins, Kelly and Lori!  Good times...

Halloween (revisited)

I have been sick a lot this year so was not really in the mood for Halloween.  I just sort of ignored it and hoped it would go away.  I'm so glad it didn't!  Our first trick-or-treaters arrived, much to Joaquin's delight!  He immediately wanted to go, too.  So we dressed him up in the dinosaur costume I had made for Ian when he was 2 (it came out a size 4, I always have trouble with sizing) so it was a perfect fit for Joaquin.  He didn't like wearing the hat but he loved having a tail and claws.

We only visited the neighbors that we knew and each household made a big fuss over him.  He was so sweet, happily saying "trick or treat" and then a heartfelt "Thank you!".  My husband was very good at making this happen and even helped out by wearing  the hat (see previous post).  After we were done, I just went to bed, but they stayed up playing music and dancing in-between visits from (just a few) trick-or-treaters. 

This Moment

Participating today in Soulemama's "This Moment", a Friday ritual. A single photo - no words - capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

If you're inspired to do the same, leave a link to your 'moment' in the comments for all to find and see.

Savor and Celebrate!

Vibrant life goals for the next 2 weeks:
1.  Yoga twice a week
2.  Celebrate my successes...create a habit of celebrating each accomplishment
3.  Chew slowly, savor each bite, slow down...enjoy!  This really IS the only moment there is.

Savor...flowers from the Farmer's Market
Aren't they pretty?

My HUGE revelation during this process of creating a more healthy, vibrant life: 

               For a smart person, I am really, really good at getting in my own way and...surprise!  NOT. SEEING. IT. 

What is up with that?  I mean, I read about this happening to other people and think, "Well they just don't WANT to see it."  and "They probably aren't all that bright."  Yeah, if I'm gonna write a blog...I'm gonna tell the truth about myself, even if it means publishing to any of my few readers, just how awful I can be.  I'm not proud of that.  But, while I see the value in discretion, I think there's a fine line between revealing too much and keeping it real.  I'm sure all bloggers wrestle with this, but since it's happening to me...it's a SIGNIFICANT.  (I laugh at myself.)

Anyway, about the "willful blind spots", I find myself questioning my intelligence.  It's humbling.  But also, I am fascinated to discover what ELSE have I been willfully deluding myself about?  It opens up a whole new realm of discovery!  I find myself in the kitchen, questioning whether or not there isn't some other "truth" about my household management that is keeping my kitchen a disgusting, disorganized mess.  I actually think there IS!  Ta da!  This could be very, very FUN!  I think it's going to be a bit like taking acid.  I've never indulged (too scared and not where I want to put my energy).  But really...this is...really...just...NEW!  and different.  And quite interesting.

Bonus flowers from the Farmer's Market
(I liked this one and she only had 1 so she said if I bought a bunch I could have this one for free.)
Wasn't that nice?

I have to ask myself, "What was I gaining from holding onto my delusion?"  There has to be something.  Or many things.  There was a strong motivation there to deceive myself.  What was it? 

The area I am focusing on today is my kitchen.  I hate it.  It's gross.  And frustrating to cook in.  Why have I INSISTED on trying to implement (and failing miserably) my silly "big project management" style of task planning when it CLEARLY has never worked?  Um.  Maybe because I really don't want to deal with the kitchen?  And maybe it's just easier to leave it to "some day" or "next week" or whatever? 

Here's what happened this week:  I had really psyched myself up to do one little project per day in the kitchen.  I had them all outlined and planned.  Clean the cupboard over the fridge.  Which would clear up space to allow me to organize the kitchen counter.  Then, clean out the cupboard underneath the counter.  And then clean out the drawer in the stove.  And so forth... So, I stood in my kitchen on the BIG DAY that I was to start on all this.  And...huh!  Turns out, I didn't WANT TO.  That's why I'm failing.  I don't want to.  I hate cleaning and organizing disgusting messes.  So, I can just continue to plan and live in the future, OR I can choose something else.  But first, I have to stop deceiving myself.  That's the first step.  The truth is, I make elaborate plans so I don't have to do it now but I somehow feel better because I have it all "handled".  It's going to get done.  Someday.  And while someday never comes, I have to live in and cook in a disgusting, dirty, disorganized kitchen.  I am very certain that this truth I have found about my kitchen, and my elaborate planning scheme, probably applies to EVERY AREA OF MY LIFE!  Yowsa!

Time to honor task #2.  Celebrate!  Yay Kerri!  You figured something out!  Way to go!  Cha cha cha... (my dance moves, in text format).

And I am finding out how to live in the moment.  Loving being part of a happy, caring family.  Here is my happy husband and our sweet boy on Labor Day morning:

Joaquin tries out his new scooter/skateboard
while hubby drinks coffee in his new "Raiders of the Lost Ark" hat

I am using a tip I learned from one of my favorite blogs, to put pictures within my text to keep it more lively.  I am working to find blogs on healthy, vibrant living and found this one:  "Radiance is your natural state."

Healthy Food...ALL DAY LONG!

I did it!  I actually ate nothing but healthy, fresh food all day long.  Must take a moment to celebrate! 

I took the last of the leftover spicy lentils and slaw that I had made for tacos and turned them into a nice soup for breakfast by just adding some water and tomato paste and heating it up.  Yum!  I don't like most traditional breakfast foods, so soup is my favorite type of breakfast.  Mid-morning, I ate carrots with garlic hummus from Trader Joe's. Then I ate an apple.  By lunch-time, I really just wanted to heat up some frozen food.  I looked in the freezer and saw a frozen entree of pasta and broccoli and thought to myself "I don't want all that SALT in my body."  I must say, that was a surprising and proud moment.  So instead, I quickly cooked some onions and fresh spinach and then scrambled some eggs into the mix with lots of black pepper.  Yeah, I did notice that I eat soup for breakfast and eggs for lunch.  That's just the way I roll.  snicker...snort!

Mid-afternoon, I was still hungry so I whipped up a huge Kale salad with lemon juice and avocado.  It really did only take 5 minutes!  I learned how to juice a lemon using just a fork--less clean-up required than using a citrus juicer.  Score!  By the time I picked up Joaquin from pre-school, I was pooped.  So I sat down with him and we ate lots of cherries and some grapes.  By then, I felt rested enough to start on some dinner.  I made stir-fried brown and wild rice with fresh orange juice and zest, broccoli, green beans and carrots--all organic from the farmer's market in Orinda.  It didn't taste all that great as I am still fine-tuning that recipe, but it was OK and very colorful.  I made coleslaw with a lemon vinaigrette, using sliced green and red cabbage and grated carrots.  The freshness and tenderness of the farmer's market cabbage was amazing! 

And then I had a glass of red wine, much needed after a long day at work and then dealing with my very demanding toddler.  He is such a fiery little guy.  So full of mischief...he boggles my mind sometimes.  Now, I am so tired...I hope, hope, hope this healthy eating along with a lot of rest will help me get my energy back and allow my lungs to heal.  I really don't think I spent any more time preparing the healthy food than I spend on eating the un-healthy junk that I ate in the past.  That's right, Kerri!  IN THE PAST!

Mellow Sunday

I am supposed to be resting...resting...resting.  No riding this weekend for me.  Lungs still hurt.  Still tired.  Still coughing.   Still getting woozy if I do much of anything. Ugh.  Mark is working hard at the store today.  Staying home with a toddler is great for a few hours.  But then...he gets restless...which quickly turns to naughty.  So it was more "restful" for me to drive him over to Tilden Park to the little farm. 

Quack!  Quack!

Everybody poops!

Prince Joaquin feeds a goat.

...and pets the goat.

Checkin' out the sheep.
He loves to wear that crown, even though he doesn't know what a "crown" is, yet.

Piglets...born on August 4th

Earnestly talking to a cow...

Riding the carousel

View from the carousel...wow, huh?

Posing at the Zebra Car
(notice the tail...)

Fearless!  He climbs up there all by himself.

The big bonus for Mama?  He falls asleep on the drive home.  And is still napping.  Aaaaaaaaaaaah!